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This programme contains
some strong language

2
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HUMMING

3
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GLASS SQUEAKS

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TAPPING

5
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See you next Tuesday!

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funnel of love

10
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falling down, down, down

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00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,400


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around and around

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funnel of love

14
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17
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Hey.

18
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Oh, hi.

19
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I'm just here to return these.

20
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Those are not my pants.

21
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,400
You going to give me
a tour of your new place?

22
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,320
No. It's, er, still being renovated.

23
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Looks pretty finished to me.
No, no.

24
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I'm waiting in for a builder.
So maybe another time, yeah?

25
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Yeah, yeah. No. OK.

26
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Yeah. See you around, I guess.
Yeah. OK.

27
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PHONE RINGS

28
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Oh, shit.

29
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:53,680
What? What is it?

30
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,000
Oh, no. I've got a meeting.

31
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,120
Oh, is it important?
It's with my publisher.

32
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For God's sake! My calendar
does not sync into my phone.  Oh!

33
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,280
I hate it when that happens.
You should go.

34
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I've got to be here for the
builder, Jamma.

35
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I'll let him in.

36
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Really?

37
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Haven't you got to be somewhere?
Do something?  No. Yes...

38
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No. Yeah, I'm obviously very busy,
but I'll move things around for you.

39
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Come on!

40
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Friends help friends let builders in.

41
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Right. Yeah.

42
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Yeah. OK.

43
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Yeah?  OK.  Yes. Go, go!  OK, OK.

44
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Chop chop.  Yep, yep.
Don't want to miss it!  Um, Jamma?

45
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Yeah?

46
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I've just got a new rug.

47
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Yeah. No, I will treat your home
like it's my own.

48
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Knock 'em dead!

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SAXOPHONE MUSIC

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AUDIENCE CHEERS

51
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Oh, shit!

52
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Bloody hell!

53
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Oh, it smells like stability!

54
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Guy, I'm home!

55
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LAUGHTER

56
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Rug... Rug.

57
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Oh!

58
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Jesus Christ.

59
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Fuck!

60
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Phew!

61
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Woo!

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I could get used to this.

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AUDIENCE WHOOP

64
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PHONE BUZZES

65
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I'm inside.  Great.
Would you pass the phone to him?

66
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,640
Well, he's not actually here.

67
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Guy left you in his house
unsupervised?

68
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Wait, why do you want to speak
to him anyway?

69
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Er, that's confidential.

70
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,920
Well, you won't believe
what I just found.

71
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Don't go looking through his stuff.

72
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I'm not. It's the manuscript
for the book he's writing.

73
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Don't read it.  I'm not.
It's a book about his exes.

74
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What did I just say?  Oh, my God!
I better not be in this!

75
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Oh, my God, I'm not in this.

76
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Listen, don't go ruining his house.

77
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You're trying to get back
in his good books.

78
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Well, I'm not in any book, am I?
Look, man. Super busy.

79
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,800
Got to bounce.  No, wait, wait, wait!

80
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I think I need you to come round.

81
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,680
Why?

82
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I don't know,
I don't trust myself.

83
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Sit still. Don't touch anything.  OK.

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LAUGHTER

85
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No! Move on.

86
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Oh!

87
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HEADPHONES BLARE

88
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LAUGHTER

89
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There it is.

90
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Guy!

91
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Boundaries.

92
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DOORBELL RINGS

93
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Builder! Coming!

94
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,800
Oh.  Why are you dressed
like an adult?

95
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Oh-h-h!

96
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It's an original Maya Kolachi!

97
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Shoes! Take your shoes off.

98
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This is worth, like, 20 bags.
Really?

99
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,240
Yeah.  Fuck!

100
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,640
I always knew Guy had good taste.

101
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,120
Well, obviously.
He dated me.  Oh, yeah?

102
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,440
Name one artist.

103
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,360
Er, Maya Kolachi.

104
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,040
Someone I haven't just named.

105
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,800
Neil Buchanan.

106
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,640
Is that the Art Attack guy?

107
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,480
Yes. And he's an icon.

108
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,520
DOORBELL RINGS
That's the builder!

109
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Quick!

110
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It's takeaway.

111
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,120
I didn't order takeaway.

112
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,440
Whose takeaway is it?

113
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CRASHING

114
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,080
Dad?

115
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,080
It's Tuesday.

116
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,600
Let me guess.
This was your plan all along.

117
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,360
What?  To reunite the family.  No!

118
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,840
I don't even know how he got in.
Front door.

119
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You had a key?

120
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,400
It's Tuesday.

121
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,840
I know what day it is.

122
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I like fish taco.

123
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,160
It's been nearly a year, and you
haven't contacted us once!

124
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,960
Yeah. Where are you living?
Are you safe?

125
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,480
My name is Saif.
Yeah, I know what your name is.

126
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,720
Why do you care about him?
He doesn't care about us.

127
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,160
He does care. You care. Right, Dad?

128
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,480
Pass the cheese taco.

129
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:13,080
Careful, man. The rug! MUFFLED:
Where have you been?

130
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:16,120
Just calm down, OK?
We don't want to miss the builder!

131
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,280
Don't tell me to calm down.
What kind of father...?

132
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,040
STOMACH CHURNS

133
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,000
Are you OK?

134
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,200
I'm fine.

135
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,080
What kind of fa...? Oh!

136
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,680
GURGLING

137
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,720
Oh, my God, dude.
Aren't you lactose intolerant?

138
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,280
DOORBELL RINGS
The builder!

139
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,360
Hi. I'm here for Guy Harvey.
Yes, yes.

140
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,640
Come in.

141
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,120
Shoes off.  Yeah.

142
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,480
Don't you need tools?  Well, I was
hoping you'd provide me with those.

143
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,600
I think I saw some in there.

144
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,080
Yeah.

145
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,360
Yeah. In you go. Yeah.

146
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,600
I did it! I let the builder in.

147
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,000
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

148
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,640
DOORBELL RINGS

149
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,200
SHOUTING

150
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,240
What's Mum doing here?
I texted her.  You did what?

151
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,640
You want to bring Dad to a bun
fight,

152
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:13,960
I'm bringing Mum to a mum fight.

153
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,720
No, no!
I didn't bring anyone to any fight.

154
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,560
He needs to face his
consequences, man.

155
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,760
She will break everything in
the house trying to kill him!

156
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,440
BANGING
I want to kill him!

157
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:28,120
Mumsy, so nice to see you.
Shut up!  OK.

158
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,360
Shoes off, please.

159
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,720
Where is he?  Who?

160
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,320
Don't make me fool. I can smell him.

161
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,640
That might have been me, sorry.

162
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:35,280
What's that?  Divorce papers.

163
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,080
Whenever I want him to sign,

164
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:38,480
every time he runs away.

165
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,880
No, no, no. Not today.

166
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,600
Yes, exactly. Not today.

167
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,640
No! I mean, don't do this today.

168
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,200
I'm not going to leave
until I find him

169
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,880
and he signs these papers.

170
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,240
Humph!

171
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,760
He went upstairs.  Thank you.
Look, this is my son.

172
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,880
No, no! Mum. Take your shoes off.

173
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,440
Give me your shoes!

174
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,040
Just give me them.  Shut up!

175
00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,400
DOORBELL RINGS

176
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,480
Here to fix the bathroom.
I'll head on up.  Yeah.

177
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:04,800
Wait.

178
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,600
You're the builder?

179
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,760
No need to be sexist, buddy.

180
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,960
Saif!

181
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
Then who's in there?

182
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,360
Look.

183
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,400
My last therapist
turned out to be a fraud,

184
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,200
so I need this to go differently,
Mr Harvey.

185
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,440
Oh...

186
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,560
Oh, no, no...

187
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,200
You seem like an intelligent man.

188
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,560
Oh...

189
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,640
I feel like I can trust you.

190
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,960
Yeah. Of course you can.

191
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,960
Let's begin, then.

192
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,760
Saif!

193
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,560
He's not upstairs.

194
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,520
Saif! Where is he hiding?

195
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,120
So, it's the morning after
my vasectomy...
Saif!

196
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,200
..and I wake up and she's gone.

197
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,520
Took the kids.

198
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,080
SMASHING

199
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,640
Is your house always this busy?

200
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:04,880
Just today,

201
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,440
because my calendar
has not been syncing to my phone.

202
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,280
SHOUTING
You know how...
Sorry. Where were we?

203
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,640
Well... Lying.

204
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,720
Cheating.

205
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,320
How it's a big trigger of mine.

206
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,840
MAN SNEEZES

207
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,440
Bless you.

208
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,360
I didn't sneeze.

209
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,480
Let's unpack that.

210
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:28,640
Huh.

211
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,680
Oh, Mum! What are you doing?!

212
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,960
Making the mouse come out
of his home.  No, no!

213
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,040
No, you can't do that.
He has been spending my money.

214
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,960
So these plates are mine to smash!

215
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,280
Oh, no! Mum, wait.

216
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:40,720
Whose house do you think this is...?

217
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,720
STOMACH LURCHES

218
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,760
What's wrong with you?

219
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,600
Loose motions?

220
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,720
I need toilet.

221
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,440
Be careful!

222
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,320
Three men?

223
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:07,880
At the same time?

224
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,720
And that's when I realised
the empty driveway.

225
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,080
She took my Prius.

226
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,800
CREAKING

227
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,880
Carry on.  Er...

228
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:32,160
Smash!

229
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,280
Oh-h-h!

230
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,000
Is everything OK?
Yes. Yes, it is.

231
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,240
Are you sure?

232
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:52,080
Yes. Um, sorry. You were
saying something?

233
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:53,720
HE FARTS

234
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,920
You were saying
about your wife not trusting you.

235
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,560
Just before she left, she said to me
that she didn't feel safe.

236
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:02,800
Saif!

237
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,640
What was that?

238
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,040
I didn't hear anything.

239
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,880
Um, I just...

240
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:16,560
I want to know what I did
to make her not feel safe.

241
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,560
Hello?
I definitely heard something then.

242
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:21,840
OK, maybe if you could use another
word instead of "safe".

243
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,360
What do you want?!

244
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,600
Who the hell's that?

245
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,120
This is another client of mine.

246
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,600
I like to do this type of therapy,
where I...

247
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:31,800
Saif!

248
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:34,320
Would you like my advice?  No!

249
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,400
It is good she left.

250
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,720
You have freedom.

251
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,600
Which way did he go?

252
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,640
What's going on?!  OK. I think we
should end the session there.

253
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,720
CRASHING
Oh, my God!

254
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,640
SCREAMING

255
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,120
What the fuck?!

256
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:56,040
Oi! My plasterboards!

257
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,880
There goes my fucking weekend.

258
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,800
No! No! Help!

259
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,680
Help! Come back!

260
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,560
Oh! Saif.

261
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:11,680
So, you've, er, found my robe?
Yeah.

262
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,880
STOMACH BUBBLES

263
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,400
HE FARTS

264
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,240
Where are your clothes?  Inside.

265
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,520
A gift for you.

266
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,760
Well, that's very generous of you.

267
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,840
You know that Jamma's inside,
don't you?

268
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,640
I have an appointment.
Yes, yes, I know you do,

269
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,360
but you should definitely
come and say hi.  Eye test.

270
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,880
You have an eye test? I see..

271
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,440
Well, let's go
and see Jamma quickly,

272
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,280
and then you can go...  Karate club.
Karate club?

273
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,720
You're very flexible, aren't you?

274
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,240
I'm just so triggered.
Look, it's all part of the therapy.

275
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,680
What type of therapy is that?!

276
00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:57,400
Well, you know, exposure therapy.

277
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,400
Including that.

278
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,920
Why don't I show you out the back?

279
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,440
You will do no such thing!

280
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,680
I will be reporting you
the very first chance that I...

281
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,440
SHE SHRIEKS

282
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,720
Saif!

283
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,760
Oh...

284
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,680
Three deep breaths.
One, two, three.

285
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,000
Here we go.

286
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,720
Out for lunch.  Yes?

287
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,760
Hello, Isaac.

288
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,800
You OK there?

289
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,160
Yeah.  Yeah?

290
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,120
Where are you going with that?

291
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,840
Oh. You're taking that, are you?

292
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,360
You're not going to take my
Maya Kolachi, are you?

293
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,920
No, of course you're not.
Well, give it to me, then.

294
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,480
No.

295
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,120
Let it go, Isaac.

296
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,480
No... Let it go!

297
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,240
AUDIENCE GASP

298
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,720
Oh, my...

299
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:55,520
Oh, my God.

300
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,400
Jamma!

301
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,880
Oh...

302
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,160
Oh!

303
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,120
GUY SHOUTS INAUDIBLY

304
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,240
Oh!

305
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,560
Jamma!  No, no, no!
It's not my fault.

306
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:26,000
I let the builder in, see?

307
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,400
The hole in the ceiling
will be extra.  Oh, Jesus!

308
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,360
You said I could trust you!

309
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,360
No, you can. You can.
How can I trust you?

310
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,880
There are broken plates...

311
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,400
EVERYONE SHOUTS AT ONCE

312
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,040
Mum! Mum! Hold on. OK, OK!

313
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,920
From now on, you can only speak
if you're holding the vase.

314
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,040
Guy, I found my dad upstairs.

315
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:47,640
He was somehow already
in your house.

316
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,200
Well, yes. Because it's Tuesday.

317
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,720
I told him it's Tuesday.

318
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,400
Saif comes round every Tuesday
for a shower and a hot meal.

319
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,120
How long has this been going on?!
Since I left your mum.

320
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,680
Oi, you didn't leave me, bastard!

321
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,360
I am leaving you!

322
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,240
Sorry. You kept
in touch with my dad,

323
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,560
but you're leaving me out
of your book?!

324
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,200
Oh, so you read my manuscript
as well, then?!  It's not my fault -

325
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,480
it was just lying there
and my eyes were doing this!

326
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,600
Don't hog the vase, Isaac!
Guy, the only reason I came round

327
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,200
was because you told me
you missed me.

328
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,800
And then I found out I'm not even
in a book about your exes. Why?

329
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:22,920
Why?

330
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,160
Because that chapter
isn't finished yet.

331
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,160
Sorry, I forgot my drill.

332
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,480
I didn't know
that this is your home.

333
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,760
Mm-hm.

334
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,440
It's very beautiful.

335
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,480
Thank you.

336
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,400
Um...

337
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,680
Um, how many bedrooms?

338
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,320
Er, there's three bedrooms.

339
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,880
Two bathrooms.

340
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,240
There's a second bathroom.

341
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,240
You know,
when I came to this country,

342
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,720
it was my dream
to have a home like this.

343
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,000
He was supposed to help me.

344
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,960
Instead, he was taking
everything from me.

345
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,280
He's taking my energy,

346
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,800
taking my patience,

347
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,040
and taking a shit in a vase!

348
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,560
It wasn't me!

349
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,800
Let's not point fingers.

350
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,800
But let's also be clear.
It wasn't me.

351
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,280
OK. Can we all just, um...

352
00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:39,840
So, it seems that
the main issue today

353
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,400
is that you, Farida, want Saif
to sign the divorce papers.

354
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,560
Is that right?

355
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,480
As you may know, Guy, that now

356
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,120
I'm a very successful
television personality.

357
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,640
Are you?  I have been picked to star

358
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,400
in a prestigious advertisement
for car insurance.

359
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,880
As a result of my new stardom,

360
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,560
there are so many people who
are interested in me

361
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,200
to do romance.

362
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,240
Even my butcher, you know?

363
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,680
Today he gave me extra mutton!

364
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,560
Oh, my God! Get to the point.

365
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,440
I need to fulfil my bodily needs,

366
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,440
and if he doesn't sign these papers,

367
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,720
I won't be able to meet my
bodily needs in a halal way.

368
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,000
Oh, my God!

369
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,520
God.

370
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,680
Right.

371
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,600
Um...

372
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,880
Saif?

373
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,560
Dad, either sign the papers
or come home.

374
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,800
No.

375
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:35,920
To which one?

376
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,280
Both!

377
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,840
That's not a decision!

378
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,680
Why is he being like this?

379
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,520
Because endings are hard,
aren't they?

380
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,240
Not to change the subject, Guy,
or anything,

381
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,120
but, um, would you be my therapist?

382
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:57,560
What, after you shat in his vase?
Grow up!

383
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,400
Says the guy who shat in a vase.

384
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,680
This was why I came round
in the first place.

385
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,080
What? To shit in a vase?
To talk about my trauma.

386
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,160
Trauma?

387
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,600
What trauma you have?!

388
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,320
Exactly.

389
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,800
Is everyone involved with Guy
but me?  Hang on.

390
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,480
Where's Saif?

391
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,080
Oh, no! Not again!

392
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,960
I can buy new plates
and a new rug for you,

393
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,240
because, as I've already mentioned,
now my career is skyrocketing.

394
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,240
Oh, no. Yes, you did.
You did mention that.

395
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,560
Thank you so much, Farida.
Thank you.

396
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,480
We can unpack all of this
in my first session.

397
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,840
Right, yeah. No, I can't be
your therapist, Isaac.

398
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,160
Um...

399
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,640
You know, but if you wanted to have
a chat, or...  Great.

400
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,360
Couldn't afford to pay you anyway.

401
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,920
Oh, great.

402
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,440
I'm sorry I read your manuscript.

403
00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,280
And about the rug and the vase
and the ceiling.

404
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,680
Yeah. It's not your fault.

405
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,800
Listen, if you want...
If you want...

406
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,720
No, no, no.  OK.  You...  You go.
Right.  Please.

407
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,880
I was going to say if you wanted
to have a...talk.  Shag.

408
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,840
Sorry?  A talk.  A talk.  Talk.  Yeah.

409
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,480
I'd love that.  OK.

410
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,040
Shall we?  Yeah.

411
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,200
I definitely said talk.

412
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,120
I mean, it's because I've been,
you know, quite busy.

413
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:26,680
I haven't had much time, but I am
planning on writing that chapter.

414
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,440
And, when I do,
that will be the end.

415
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,200
HE GULPS
The end?

416
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,920
Of the book.

417
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,600
Of the book? Of course.

418
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,600
No, but I am going to be honest.

419
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,720
It might be quite exposing.

420
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,760
That's good.

421
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,200
I want to help you expose me.

422
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,320
Do you?

423
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:50,480
Yeah. You know, you've got to give
your audience what they want.

424
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,200
Right. It's not going to be
a long chapter, Jamma.

425
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,600
I think the sex alone
was a lot to write about.

426
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,320
It was all right.

427
00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,920
It was all right?

428
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,200
It was life-changing!

429
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,240
Not for me. For you.
Oh, for me, was it?

430
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,240
That's what you said, isn't it?
Right.

431
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,120
OK. What about the first time
we met?

432
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,600
What about it?

433
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,120
How it gave your life meaning.

434
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,120
Oh, you... You gave my life
meaning, did you?

435
00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:15,040
If you want to write that down,
I support you.

436
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,360
No, no. To be honest,

437
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,800
despite all of your charm,

438
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,480
I found you really annoying.

439
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,360
You thought I was charming.

440
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,040
HE CHUCKLES
Why is that what you heard?

441
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,680
This, right now...

442
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,040
Yeah?  This is the reason
why we broke up.

443
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,400
And why did we break up?

444
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,000
Hello?

445
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,040
What the fuck?

446
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:49,360
Hello?

447
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:51,800
Is there someone...?

448
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,920
Is there someone
in the fucking house?

449
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,080
Oh, I'm dead.

450
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,600
GRUNTING

451
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,640
THEY SCREAM

452
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,240
Jamma!

453
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:21,160
MUSIC: Shik Ma Van
by Juice House Band